Baking Through My Journey As a Doctor to Be

it is cloudy through out the day and of course, it's even gloomier in the room, in our souls and in our hearts. Grandpa's death shocked me, although i've expected that to happen, but not so soon. sis has been crying since yesterday, and her eyes are swollen. i don't know what to say, how to console her because, i am not good at saying things like that and i am sad too~~~cheer up sis~~

i am desperate, depress, feel terrible n dunno what to do~~~i wanna talk to mum @ dad, miss them so so so much. I didn't cry... much... and that makes thing worse, i need to cry, burst into tears n spit everything out but i'm just too proud to do that~~~ before we came back to melbourne during the term 2 break, grandpa, like he always did for the past a couple of months, lying there in the hospital ward, advised us to study hard, take good care of ourselves... when we told him that we'll be going home in another 6 months and that we want him to stay healthy until then, he said "I am not sure whether i will still be alive by that time... *weak laugher*" And now grandpa is gone, life is so fragile, i know that with his death, grandpa had put an end for his sufferings, but i just can't come to terms with grandpa's death, i've been here only for six months and i've losted my grandpa. how things will turn out to be when i've finally graduated, will i lost someone else i love n care? i dun want to. Grandpa is the one who I love the most among my grandparents, i liked listening to him talking, though i found it a little hard to get the meaning of some words (typical teow chew language), i like to watch/accompany him having his dinner, listen to his philosophies or sometime what had happened in the market that morning...................

i am sad but i dun wan to be overwhelmed by sorrow, thus i dun cry. but if crying can lessen my sadness and i can endure less pain, i dun mind spending the whole night crying underneath my blanket~~~ i needa think things through and start over~~~~ i need time.

it's the 2nd day and i know that avoid thinking of it by doing maths 2 thru out the night won help~~~ but i still love Maths 2 though.....

alright~~~all i need is time. i will get over it somehow~~~ "i would be really bad n nasty if i am not depress"

tml will be a new day, a new start, if my approach can't work, i will try sth else until it finally works~~~

thanks for those who care~~~love u guys~~~